I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
