Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
