I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
