I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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