i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
