we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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