I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
send nudes
from the living room?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
