the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
