my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I currently don't understand fingers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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