I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
