Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
