now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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