got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
