I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
