Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
