You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
