the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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