You can't motorboat a personality
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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