the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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