I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
