grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize