I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
