he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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