the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
