After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
