Whod you bang
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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