I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
