my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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