It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
