So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
