I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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