I got chris browned last night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
