I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
