Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
