feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
