we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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