Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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