Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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