No more Irish car bombs ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
