your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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