I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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