I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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