Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
