24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
