WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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