I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
