Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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