My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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