I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
