Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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