my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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