I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
