My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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