She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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