My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
