the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
