put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
