i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im part way to drunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
