News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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