Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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