New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
