Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
