The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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